Pleiades Bee - Latest Comments

Re: What the Girl at the Park Has Taught Me

pleiadesbee — Wed, 09 May 2012 09:44:09 -0000

Lily, I'm sorry if my essay made you believe a situation exists that I believe truly does not. Her feet were caked with dirt because she was running around outside barefoot on a hot summer day. We have since played with the girl at the park and she was wearing shoes. She had clean clothes. No one called her "dirty bastard." Rather she said those words. If I had thought in any way that she was being abused or neglected, I would have contacted the appropriate authorities. Rather I believe her life is very different from my daughter's and yet they were still able to come together and play together, which I loved. And different not as in dangerous, but different as in, simply, different. I received no money for writing this essay. That's not what this was about.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Wed, 09 May 2012 09:32:23 -0000

Thanks :)

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Wed, 09 May 2012 09:31:26 -0000

Thank you, Christina.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Wed, 09 May 2012 00:34:05 -0000

Paul, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. If I felt like the child was being abused or neglected, I would have contacted the authorities. I have since spent time with the same girl, at the same park, and she was happy, cleaner and obviously being looked after. Please know that.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Wed, 09 May 2012 00:29:30 -0000

But I don't believe anyone has to do anything. If I did, I would do it! If I felt like she was hungry, I would bring her food, knowing where she plays most afternoons. I would bring her clothes. Bring her shoes. But I've since seen her at the park wearing shoes, wearing clean(er) clothes. Yes, her language was still rough. And yes, it was clear her life at home was, perhaps, much different than my daughter's. But I truly believe it's not one that's filled with abuse, physical or verbal. It's clear she's well-fed given the food and drinks the people she's with brings to the park (and that I see her eat). Just because people live very different lives from us, just because they may not wash their clothes as often as us or wear shoes in places we normally would ... that doesn't make their life "wrong" and our life "right." Rather our lives are just different. Trust me, if I felt this girl was experiencing ANY abuse, I would do something about it. But I'm not going to call the cops on a family who seems to be raising a happy, energetic daughter who is quick to make friends on the playground and who might, at times, mutter the words "dirty bastard."

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Wed, 09 May 2012 00:24:31 -0000

Thank you for your comment. You have given me a lot to think about. I honestly don't believe the girl was in desperate need of anything except a friend to play with. I have since seen her (and played with her) at the park and she was wearing shoes. Her clothes were much cleaner. Yes, her language was still rough. And it was clear her life was different than my daughter's. But I don't think giving her stuff would help that. Rather I think what she needed most, and what we continue to give, is friendship. And should I, for a second, even think differently I will be the first at her door with clean clothes, bags of food, money, whatever I can possibly do. But I don't think that's the case and I'm sorry if my essay made you think differently.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Wed, 09 May 2012 00:21:31 -0000

There is no case. We played with her at the park again two weeks ago. She was wearing shoes. She was wearing much cleaner clothes. She was happy. There were several teenagers and young adults watching after her (which I noted). The picnic table, where her group was at, was filled with snacks and food. I'm sorry if my essay gave you the wrong impression. Again, I was simply trying to write about two girls who live very different lives but didn't even note those differences, rather simply played tag together. If I, for one second, suspected abuse or neglect I would contact the authorities. Yes, my daughter has probably never heard the phrase "dirty bastard." And yes, she said it. But that's not a reason to call the cops on a family that, perhaps, can't afford a trip to the laundromat once a week.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Wed, 09 May 2012 00:13:32 -0000

CPA, We played again with the girl at the park two weeks ago. She was wearing shoes. She had clean clothes. She was happy and played with Sophie just the same. She was with a similar group, a large group of children, teenagers and young adults. I noted several of the teenagers and young adults watching after her. Again, their picnic table was covered with snacks and food. Just because she, perhaps, wanted nicer shoes or had a soiled top the first time I met her meant she was in danger. Rather it was clear she simply lived a very different life from my daughter. And yet they were able to look past that and still have fun together. Play together. Again, I PROMISE you if I suspected abuse or neglect in any way, I would contact the appropriate authorities. But you're assuming things based on a 500-word essay (that I, perhaps, didn't write clearly enough as your assumptions are wrong). Again, we saw her two weeks ago. She seemed to be doing great, and she and Sophie, again, had a wonderful time together. That said, it's nice to know people like you, people who care this much, exist. Thank you.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Wed, 09 May 2012 00:08:38 -0000

CPA, I so appreciate your passion and concern and I truly apologize if my essay has made you believe in a situation that simply doesn't exist. I know what physical and verbal abuse look like. I did not suspect abuse or neglect. She had people watching after her. Yes she had bare feet. But it was a hot summer day. Perhaps you wouldn't let your child run around in a public park in bare feet but who are we to judge? I've since seen her at the park, with shoes and clean clothes. Please see my comment above re the clothes. And the scratches. Trust me, I would have contacted the appropriate authorities if I believed this girl was in danger. But she was happy. Well-fed (their picnic table was covered with snacks and drinks). She and my daughter loved playing together. That's what she wanted so that's what we gave. Not all people have washers and dryers in their home. Not all people refrain from using phrases like "dirty bastard" around their children. Not all people care about wearing shoes in a public park. But that's not for us to judge. Physical abuse? Yes. Verbal abuse? Yes. Lack of shelter, food? Yes, yes. Please don't blow this out of perspective. My essay was not about a girl in danger. It was about two girls, who live very different lives, but didn't even notice those differences. Rather, they simply enjoyed playing tag with each other.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 23:53:34 -0000

Thank you for your kind comment. Yes, but at the time, I felt like what she wanted most was someone to play with. And that I could give her. And that we continue to give, every time we see her at the park. But she has also inspired me to seek out more volunteer work. Of course I donate but, once I had three kids, I told myself I don't have time to volunteer. That's not true. I have time to watch a TV show at night. I had time to write this. So yes, I can do more and I WILL do more. And I plan to get my children involved doing more as well.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 23:50:52 -0000

Brenda, CPS didn't need to be called as there was no reason to suspect abuse or neglect. Children run around barefoot on hot summer days all the time. Yes, her clothes were dirty but who am I too judge a mother who may not be able to afford to go to the laundromat once a week? And perhaps her clothes were dirty simply because she had been playing outside in them all day? (I suspected otherwise, at the time, but I've since seen her at the park wearing very clean clothes). What she wanted at the time was someone to play with. And so we played with her. And we've played with her since. And will continue to play with her. I don't have a perfect life. No one does. And this girl has prompted me to donate more, give more, seek out volunteer work when before I would tell myself, I just don't have the time. And trust me, if I ever suspect she needs or wants, I will help her. But in my essay I was simply trying to write about two 3-year-old girls, who lead very different lives (evident by the fact that she knew the word "bastard") and yet those differences didn't even occur to them as they played tag together. They were both happy. Together. That was what I was trying to write about.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 23:44:08 -0000

No. After spending more than an hour with her and the people she was with (other children and people looking after her, including teenagers and young adults), I didn't suspect abuse or neglect. Instead, I simply suspected she lived a very different life, a life in which she knows the word "bastard" at age 3. If I had suspected it, I would have reported it.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 23:41:34 -0000

Thank you for your comment. I believe she was barefoot because it was summer and hot out. The last time we saw her at the park she was wearing shoes. She had plenty to eat. The group of people she was with had a picnic table full of food and snacks. What she wanted was someone to play with, so that's what we did. Thinking back, I wish I would have adjusted her shirt for her. She probably didn't even realize it was crooked and that would have been a kind thing for me to do. But I don't think she wanted for food. If she did, I certainly would have given her some. I'm sorry my article came across as self-centered to you. I was simply trying to reflect on the moment, and that two young girls from different lives were able to come together and enjoy each other, play with other, without dwelling on each other's differences.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 23:37:37 -0000

Hi, Hope. She did have several people at the park, teenagers and young adults, watching her. She goes to the park with a group of people and I've noted that they all look after each other's children. I made note of that. If I had felt no one was looking after her, I certainly would have done something about that.

Re: The Girl at the Park

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 23:36:06 -0000

Her feet were caked with dirt because she had been outside playing, barefoot all day. I disagree that dirty clothes require a call to authorities. Physical abuse? Yes. Verbal abuse? Yes. Lack of food and shelter? Yes, yes. But how can another parent be judged for not being able to afford to do laundry once a week? And perhaps her clothes were dirty from a hard day of playing outside? I know my children become quite filthy after playing outside for hours on a hot summer day, as they should! If I had truly suspected abuse or neglect, I certainly would have contacted the appropriate authorities. And I will, in the future. But she was happy. Is happy. Energetic. Eager to have a child her age to play with. And so that is what we gave her. And that is what we gave her the next time we saw her at the park (in which she was perfectly clean). And that is what we will continue to give her, as she and Sophie continue to play together.

Re: Green vs. Pink

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:54:29 -0000

I'm so glad we're not alone in this! And yes, one of my favorite days was when Sophie knocked her princess castle onto its side, declared it a bear cave and spent the morning on all fours roaring like a bear ... that was wearing a tiara. :)

Re: Green vs. Pink

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:53:42 -0000

That was a beautiful last sentence, Lisa. Well, it was all beautiful. Thanks for the insight. :)

Re: Green vs. Pink

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:53:20 -0000

This made me feel so much better! :)

Re: Green vs. Pink

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:53:04 -0000

I get that, Karen. I never taught Owen or James the "vroom" sound cars make and yet they started making it, while pushing cars around, at a very young age. I remember thinking, How do you know that?!? We, too, got the boys dolls for Christmas. They're, unfortunately, only played with by Sophie ...

Re: What the Girl at the Park Has Taught Me

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:44:26 -0000

I love the idea of running races and going to food banks with my children. I once volunteered at an event where we packaged food for people in impoverished companies and I loved seeing all the families there—entire families, parents, grandparents and children—putting packages together. It was inspring. (Also, once a week! That's inspiring, too.)

Re: What the Girl at the Park Has Taught Me

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:40:43 -0000

If I thought in any way that she was being neglected or abused, I would have contacted the proper authorities. But playing in bare feet on a hot summer day in dirty clothes to me, isn't abuse. Just yesterday my son slipped on some bird feed and fell on cement, scraping up his entire leg. Upon seeing him at the park would you call the authorities because of those scrapes? Her red nail polish was chipping, yes, but that polish also means someone took the time to, once upon a time, paint her nails. We have since seen the girl at the park and she always is with a large group of people made up of children, teenagers and young adults. She is happy. She's always smiling, always running around, always eager to play. My first essay was simply a reflection of what I saw that day. The words "dirty bastard" didn't make me think she was abused. Rather it made me think that her life is very different from my daughter's life. And I was so happy to see that my daughter took no note of that. That, for the two of them, they were simply two little girls at the park, happy and playing together. I don't want a medal. I don't deserve a medal. All I was trying to do was tell a story about two 3-year-old girls, who, on the surface, seemingly come from different backgrounds, yet loved each other just the same.

Re: What the Girl at the Park Has Taught Me

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:31:43 -0000

SpagettiMom, Again, as I said above, I pushed too hard with my daughter. I know that now. In fact, I wrote an entire essay on the beauty of innocence. I LOVE innocence. I do. I handled this situation poorly and I haven't brought it up with my daughter again. It wasn't the right time. And tomorrow, if we see the girl at the park, I expect she and Sophie will play together, just the same again. And if not, if Sophie seems afraid or has questions, I will address them. Fix what I may have broken. And if nothing IS broken, then I will rest a little more assured, knowing that, hoping that, Sophie knows she can talk to me about these things. I'm learning. Mending. Fixing. Improving. Daily. As we all are.

Re: What the Girl at the Park Has Taught Me

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:20:37 -0000

Thank you SO MUCH for this, Jo. And you've reminded me that I don't need to be so concerned about her innocence. Rather, that innocence is something to treasure. Thank you.

Re: What the Girl at the Park Has Taught Me

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:18:08 -0000

Thank you for taking the time to comment and you make some excellent points. Of course I want my daughter to see her for the friendly, caring, spirited girl she is—not someone to be pitied. Clearly I went about it in the wrong way. As I said, I wish there were parenting classes for things like this. Mainly, I wanted Sophie to know that she could ask us about it, talk to us about it. I wanted Sophie to know that the missing arm didn't hurt the girl and that she could still do all the same things everyone else was doing at the park. I, in no way, meant to intentionally torture my child. I was trying to do the "right" thing. Which may or may not have been, after all, right. But I, like you, am only human, learning from the things I do right—and the things I do wrong.

Re: What the Girl at the Park Has Taught Me

pleiadesbee — Tue, 08 May 2012 20:10:46 -0000

Thank you so much, Aunt Cheryl. Love, Kara